Happy Birthday Matthew

Three years ago, today, we met our little boy for the first time. We have experienced him every day since then - both when he was physically here with us and and now as we hold his memory close to our hearts...memories stirred by experiences, songs, places - and sometimes a simple brief glance at his little sister.

In remembering Matthew today - I've included his eulogy as it seems to best capture his essence. I realize as I read it often that although his life here may have been short that it was in no way incomplete. It is well described in a quote I came across a couple of days ago by Viktor Frankl (The Doctor and the Soul) that read, "We cannot, after all, judge a biography by its length, by the number of pages in it; we must judge by the richness of the contents...Sometimes the 'unfinisheds' are among the most beautiful symphonies." Today we celebrate the rich and full life of our son. . . Happy Birthday Matthew.

How in 14 months is it possible to transform so many lives in such a profound and permanent way? If “The greatest of these is Love…”, then only thru love could that kind of transformation take place. Love given. Love received. Love in the precious form of Matthew McQueen Salley, Jr.

Matthew gave us the opportunity to experience love in a way we never have before - - the privilege to practice the act of love over and over again.

He was closer to God’s idea of love in his one year, than we are after decades of practice. So he let us practice on him: giving it away and giving it away only to find more and more in our reserves.

He showed us how to love. He showed us what love looks like and feels like and smells like and he kept coming back, giving us more opportunities to love him and to nurture that place within us that is the wellspring of all the good we will ever do in the time that God gives us.

God gave us extraordinary, daily opportunities to practice love in the simple and often mundane things required to care for Matthew, each one an act of love that drew us closer together, and closer to God. Changing a diaper, never forgetting to move in for the kiss… Abandoning all hope of keeping anything clean, and enjoying the mayhem of lunch, or the sport of kings: Tupperware hockey… Engaging in those moments in which you find yourself preserving images of him, smiling or walking or just drifting off to sleep - - images that God commits to your memory forever as a gift that eclipses any former notion of true value.

And then the power of that love - -the spirit of love within you, draws you closer to everyone around you and to the life God intended for you. Matthew did that for all of us who loved him. And for those lucky enough to be close to him, you enjoyed those moments of transformation - - the moments that have changed you forever. Like when you found yourself going back in, not because he was up – but just because you wanted to see him one more time before you went to bed. Or all the times you took the gift of his smell, the one you could find best in that soft, warm place between his cheek and neck, every time you had the chance. And in the mornings when, straight-faced, you savored the moment right before you tamed his mane, the wet brush making him look like you wish he would sometimes act. And those eyelashes. Why would God bless you so richly with this little boy who could slay armies with a single bat of his eyes? Which brings you back to beginning. Because of Love.

Matthew also taught us about joy. He taught us about joy in the way in which he did just about everything. Every time he took a bite of something new - - no really, every time…He would say, “Mmmm” almost before each little morsel would hit his palate. Out would come that exclamation: “Mmmm” That’s what Matthew thought about life. That’s what Matthew thought about whatever passed his way. “Mmmm.” No ho hum days for Matthew. His days were met open-armed and at full speed, leading him to his next discovery or to his next belly laugh where he would hold his little tummy and double over, in peals of laughter.

Matthew was love, and joy and discovery. He was, already, everything we all aspire to be. He will remain that forever for all of us. And when we meet again, we will receive the great gift of knowing him more fully. For him that will be in the wink of an eye. For us, we will have to continue to trudge through life, to get to the place of love and joy and discovery and goodness Matthew already knew here, and knows now in the abundant love and Holy presence of God.

Matthew was indeed a gift from God.